Thursday, December 17, 2015

An Amazing Four Years

It's been a long time since I posted anything here, but there are a couple of important things happening around this time of year and I felt like I had some things to say.

Four years ago I met Minyoung (MY) for the first time.  He and I had a lovely first date in Changwon on Dec. 10, 2011.

From that point on we saw each other every weekend until mid-April when a business trip took him out of the country during the weekend and we went two weeks without seeing each other.  It was at this point, after less than five months of dating, that I realized I really loved him.  I assume this is when he had the same realization, if not earlier, because he asked me to move in with him when I moved to Seoul.

I immediately said yes because I knew that saying goodbye to him every week was one of the most painful things I'd ever experienced.  I actually spent a lot of time thinking about this over the next month or so.  I knew I didn't want to be separated from MY, but I also knew that moving in together was a huge step.  Even if we already spent every weekend living together and had since fairly early in the relationship (I'm sorry if this disappoints people, but realistically, he lived four hours away.  For my father's sanity I'll say no more.)

We decided to move in together in April, but knew this wouldn't happen until October.  This was actually a very good thing in my mind since it gave us lots of time to talk about hour personal habits and our expectations and needs when it came to living together.  We knew we'd be living in a very small apartment in Seoul (Seen in this post) and that we needed ground rules.  We learned what really bugged each other and what didn't bother us at all.  I got lucky.  MY's only real peeve is having someone mess with his personal things (textbooks, video games, papers).  The most I'll do is push all of his study materials back into their little corner when they begin to overtake the room, typically only at exam time.

There's a funny story illustrating this.  When MY got our apartment in Daegu I was still in the US and would be for another two weeks.  MY moved in and was sleeping on blankets on the floor, using a plastic bin as a table since we had no furniture.  His mom came by and asked why he didn't put any of the dishes away or buy a table or something.  He promptly replied that he wouldn't dare because I'd move everything around anyways.  So what was the point?  Besides, he didn't care where things were as long as he could find them.

And he was right.  My first morning there, before starting work, I set to work scrubbing and organizing the kitchen.  That weekend we bought the furniture we wanted that I could find in Daegu, then we ordered the couch and bed because I couldn't find one I was happy with.  Since that first weekend we've added a TV, TV stand, and a stack-able storage compartment, but that's it.  I knew what we needed and had an idea in my head of what I wanted to fit each spot.  He knew that and knew he didn't care.

Granted, this doesn't mean he can't.  Once we were settled we bought a TV at Costco and a TV stand.  Those were all his, he picked both and I merely said okay.  The opposite of the rest, lol.

This is proving to be a true novel of a post.

Well, if you survived the rambling I'll get to the point.

MY and I are having our wedding ceremony this January.  My dad and Linda are flying in from NYC to be a part of it.  I'll try to do a post on it, but if I don't, I'm sure I can bribe my friend Krissi to do it if I offer her enough Starbucks coffee.  Love you Krissi!

I'm truly lucky to find someone like MY.  Someone who doesn't mind me at my worst, puts up with me at my best, and loves me no matter how I am.  He flew to the other side of the world just to meet my family.  He lived through meeting my dad, despite language and cultural barriers.  And he's nervous about seeing him again next month, but he's still glad I'll have my parents there for our wedding.

It's say we learn from our mistakes, but I think we really learn when we realize that not everything wrong is a mistake.  Dating Zack for so long was wrong, we weren't right for each other in the long term and would have ended eventually.  But was it a mistake?  No.  I know I learned a lot from our relationship.  Both about myself and others.  He's pretty smart, I'm sure he learned some stuff himself.  Hopefully what he learned has helped him as well as what I learned helped me.

Just took a look at his Facebook page, he's now engaged and looks very happy.  I doubt he'll ever read this, but if he does - "I wish you all the happiness I myself have."

I know he read it four years ago, when I posted about that lovely Christmas email.

The short of it is - don't settle.  If you're not sure if you're happy, then you likely aren't.  Find someone that you hate to say goodbye to.  Find someone who balances you.  Someone who feels like home, even if you're stuck sharing a one room studio with no bathroom fan and a twin bed.

MY and I survived that hellhole of an apartment - we can survive anything.

More to come about us in a month.  Hope I don't freeze in my hanbook!